Mental ✅: It Is Not Good

My mental health is dangling by a single deteriorating thread.

The holiday blues began just in time.

Work is crazy busy, which is unusual for the season.

My school semester & bachelors degree are finally coming to a close.

My mother’s health is not well and our relationship is newly nonexistent.

My sciatic nerve is pinched and showing no sign of release any time soon.

My house & car are a wreck.

My PTSD has been triggered & keeps me in fight or flight and on the edge of a panic attack at all times.

I’m trying to stay away from men; I deleted all of my dating apps. And they still find me.

Weak and wounded like you’d hope prey would be.

Would they use me or even want me if they knew how often I prayed, too? To not exist in this hard world. Soft souls like mine aren’t made for this.

Or would they even care?

Why should they?

I don’t and so I harness their stupid superficial desires into delicately dosed increments of self harm.

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Being born and raised in the south should have made me more inbred and less tolerant, but something went wrong in the grand scheme of these damned rebels. I am; brutally honest, a bad driver with a record to prove it, a connoisseur of stand-up comedy, the eldest child, an aware procrastinator, semi-sweet, the result of my mother losing her virginity, easily excitable, a lover of music, a pretty shit liar, late to any event no matter what, myself without apology.

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