My mental health is dangling by a single deteriorating thread.
The holiday blues began just in time.
Work is crazy busy, which is unusual for the season.
My school semester & bachelors degree are finally coming to a close.
My mother’s health is not well and our relationship is newly nonexistent.
My sciatic nerve is pinched and showing no sign of release any time soon.
My house & car are a wreck.
My PTSD has been triggered & keeps me in fight or flight and on the edge of a panic attack at all times.
I’m trying to stay away from men; I deleted all of my dating apps. And they still find me.
Weak and wounded like you’d hope prey would be.
Would they use me or even want me if they knew how often I prayed, too? To not exist in this hard world. Soft souls like mine aren’t made for this.
Or would they even care?
Why should they?
I don’t and so I harness their stupid superficial desires into delicately dosed increments of self harm.