So in case my posts haven’t demonstrated for you, allow me say it:
I AM A FLAKE.
Or at least that is how it seems from the outside… but, in all honesty, it’s more like I am constantly evolving or shifting my perspective and ideas.
My opinions and thoughts behave like water; they ebb and flow with my moods. Some are unyielding ice while others are quickly fleeting steam.
(Also, I have these mad depressive episodes which prohibit me from normal human contact due to wild amounts of anxiety.)
Plus, I am kind of a flake… so what?!
Hoping to be back sooner than last time!
(but not promising anything because I refuse to give you anymore fucking ammunition to call me a flake… okay?!?)
I am so tired of being chastised for that word.
Goddamn. Goddamned. Goddamns. Goddamnit.
I am not damning God. I love God. Or the universe or whatever that essence is.
I use it out of frustration… as in, “God, if there is a hell, send this __________ there.”
I am asking for his help with smiting. I am not angry AT him. I am angry WITH him.
Why is that so hard to understand? Especially if I were praying to the Christian God… isn’t that his jam? Paying back those who won’t accept him?
It is 1:00 in the morning and I am only on my 5th Orange Henry’s Hard Soda. My buzz is barely stable, if you can even call it a “buzz”.
I’m not pissing and moaning about Ty so that is a good start but is religion any better?
I did get invited to a party tonight, so that was fun…
Cassidi & I showed up at like 10:30- which is when the “par-tay” usually gets “krunk” (or do they not use that one anymore?😬) Anyways, once we arrived we quickly realized that we were nearly a decade older than everyone there… which means that more than likely there was some underage drinking…
…so we boot-scoot and boogied our way out of there and back to my madre’s hizzy to kick it with her and chillax for the night. (Don’t I sound cool?)
Bedtime. 🌙 1:52 AM