This past Tuesday, after a long day of work, I wandered into a brand new little family owned liquor store in my neighborhood to get my favorite beer, Wild Little Thing by Sierra Nevada.

I tossed the sixer onto the counter and the cashier smiled and asked for my ID. Being a solid decade over the legal drinking age, I am always delighted at an ID request.

I handed him the card and he said, “Wow! You look young! I mean, you are young, but you look younger!”

“Thank you so much! You are only as young as you feel, right? Just don’t tell my back or my knees.” I smiled and responded.

“How old do you think I am?” he asked.

I looked him up and down and assumed that he was probably in his early fifties, but I like to be kind so I said, “Umm… about 42, I guess?”

“OH! Well… actually… I just turned 34…”

My mouth dropped and for some reason I said, “No way!” so he proceeded to pull out his ID to show me the year he was born…

My voice, which is usually quite deep and raspy took a much higher pitch and I began to walk backwards facing him, screeching something like, “Well the gray in your beard makes you look distinguished…”

I have never wanted to do the Michigan J. Frog top-hat, leg kick dance out of a place so badly.

And so now I can never go back there again.

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Being born and raised in the south should have made me more inbred and less tolerant, but something went wrong in the grand scheme of these damned rebels. I am; brutally honest, a bad driver with a record to prove it, a connoisseur of stand-up comedy, the eldest child, an aware procrastinator, semi-sweet, the result of my mother losing her virginity, easily excitable, a lover of music, a pretty shit liar, late to any event no matter what, myself without apology.

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