Author: AmberšŸ’˜

Being born and raised in the south should have made me more inbred and less tolerant, but something went wrong in the grand scheme of these damned rebels. I am; brutally honest, a bad driver with a record to prove it, a connoisseur of stand-up comedy, the eldest child, an aware procrastinator, semi-sweet, the result of my mother losing her virginity, easily excitable, a lover of music, a pretty shit liar, late to any event no matter what, myself without apology.

the Fire

Itā€™s always easier to give advice than to take itā€¦

Itā€™s different when youā€™re standing on the outside of the fire and can objectively evaluate the situation versus when youā€™re caught inside of the burning building.

Fake Positivity

ā€œGood vibes onlyā€ doesnā€™t leave room for the darker side of humanity.

(But Iā€™m tired of wasting valuable time feeling sad & incapable so Iā€™m leaning in. )

Iā€™m reminding myself that if you forge a smile long enough, then your brain forgets that itā€™s fake.

And so Iā€™ll plaster a fucking smile to my face until we all believe it.

Thirst traps

I know itā€™s weird to say, but I love falling into someoneā€™s thirst trapā€” especially if it is someone whom Iā€™ve never considered having the potential to be sexy.

Like yeah, youā€™re objectively attractive, but who knew that you could be provocative?

It shocks me to my very core sometimes.

āœØgo little rockstar āœØ

Meat

Even the ones who pretend to be harmlessā€¦

Even the ones who claim they have good intentionsā€¦

Even the ā€œnice guysā€ā€¦

Even the ones who say they just wanna be your friend..

Want to tear into you with grimy bare hands like a starving savage ripping into a warm pink centered filet.

Not Dating Anymore

Iā€™m done.

Iā€™ve had enough.

Iā€™m good. (Not at dating; Iā€™m actually the worst at that šŸ¤Ŗ)

I have bad taste in men. I have no idea, up close, what a solid, emotionally stable relationship looks like. Iā€™ve never had one. My mother never had one. My grandmother never had one. Iā€™m trying to break all of these generational curses brought on by teen parenthood, drug abuse, poverty, abandonment issues & trauma passed along from my parents.

This is the one I really canā€™t master. So Iā€™m going to take some time for therapy and self work.

In dating over the last two years, I have had the following experiences:

-ā€œHomeboy, are you doing hard drugs in my bathroom?ā€ -October

-ā€œOdinism is your belief system, huh? Never heard of that.ā€ **Google gives history referencing white supremacy & Nazi history. -September

-ā€œWait, how long were you in prison?ā€ -August

ā€œWait, how long were you in prison?ā€ -September

-ā€œWait, how long were you in prison?ā€-September

(yes, three times in a row with longer sentences/time served each time) šŸ˜³šŸ™ƒ

-One guy gave me an unprompted, non-consensual foot massage mid-date.

-Another bought me kegel weights before our first date.

-One guy told me that I look hispanic in some of my pictures. I said thank you. He said it wasnā€™t a compliment.

-One guy said that he didnā€™t want to date but rather he wanted me to ā€œbe a fuckdoll for him and his friends to pass around.ā€

-One guy said that he ā€œhopes that my pig-ass gets pregnant with a half breed.ā€ when I asked if he supports BLM.

-After a date Christmas shopping last year, one guy stole three pairs of socks and a shirt that I bought from Express for my mother.

-Another told me that I think that iā€™m smarter and prettier than I actually am.

-Another guy that I was seeing for a couple months told me his kink was for me to ask him to cum in me. He explicitly assured me that he wouldnā€™t actually do it, he just wanted me to ask. And then he did anyways. šŸ˜‘

Yeah so I need to take some time for self reflection to make better choices for myself.